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In and out or In, down and out…

I am my 3 kid’s personal driver. The Super Uber. I find that during those forced-to-sit moments, I get to speak to them about life and the wisdom I gathered over my 40 years.

It was during one of these trips back from school where we talked about offence. Where does it hit first? In you head or heart?

I had an spark of insight and I start explaining…

When an incident happens you have options. You can take it into your head, and reason over it. Ask yourself: Is it true? Is this really on me? Does the person love me? If the answer turns out to be no to all three, it goes OUT. The thought/hurt/offense goes out of your head. It’s done.

But some things tend to be more serious and almost sacred. When someone breaks your trust. When a loved one dies. When friends betray or let you down. Those things tend to get into your head and it goes straight down to your heart. And that is okay. The trick is to know when things are worthy of your heart. Worthy to be chewed on, and worked through over time. Most of the hurt we experience is not worthy of our hearts. Yet we take it ‘down’ and allow it to drain our energy and tell us lies.

Whether it is an In and Out, or an In, Down and Out situation, the OUT is never optional. At all times we need to finish off with hurt and offense. It should never stay and develop into unforgiveness. Even if it takes years to digest, it needs to go out. Out of thought. Out of the system. Forgiven and eventually forgotten. Buried offense and hurt make you sick. YOU pay the price and that should never be allowed to happen. Get over it, for you. Forgive, for you. So that you may thrive. All our scars show that we lived. And how beautiful is it when life allows you to help others heal because you’ve been there yourself. The picture is so much bigger than only us.

Be brave. Finish it off. Be free.

Granadilla love,

M

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Mothers

When a baby is born, so is the mother…I’m not sure who said these beautiful words, but it’s truer than true. I have 3 children. With the birth of each of them, a new version of motherhood got downloaded. Each of them is so different, requiring their own unique application of discipline and love.

I read an article a few years ago written by a phycologist. He was a very hands-on dad and later Grandfather. He wrote how he loved to even change diapers! Till one day. He offered to look after a friend’s kid. When he changed that child’s diaper, he could barely keep it in, gagging every 2 seconds. He wrote how he concluded that love can even make sh*t smell good. It’s so funny but wow, that is an absolute truth as well.

Love is what that gets you through long, sleepless nights, with only a tick list: Feed, Burp, Nappy change, Cradle. The rules are straightforward. If sleep does not follow nr.4, you repeat the process as from step one. This is one of the first superpowers a newly birthed mother needs to master. And once you do, you proudly take your crying baby from a family member and do your magic like a superhero in the final scene of a movie. Yet, to keep things interesting, just as you master one thing the next unknown one creeps up on you. Each phase hands you fresh lemons and you don’t get to grab the Tequila! (And you will only start making lemonade when you are handed the phase of primary school entrepreneurship.)

As soon as we think: ” I’ve got this”, things change again. We fail gloriously, yet we experience some fantastic wins! It’s never easy but love covers a multitude of sins. Allow love to win the battles you lose. Allow love to humble you when you were wrong and let peace fill your heart with gratitude and worthiness. Because you really are so worthy. The monthly salary for motherhood sucks greatly, but the arms of our children are the most precious jewels you will ever wear around your neck(*).

Take heart today. Your best is the only thing that was ever required from you as a mother. Guide your kids through all struggles, joys, losses, hardships, fails, wins and all the rest in between. Someone said, the days are long, but the years are short… Soon we cry over our empty nests and clean floors.

Embrace the now, have fun and enjoy every second!

Granadilla Love,

M